Oceans of Honey

There is a lot of oceans of honey nowadays in the world. Motivations everywhere! Now I'm not supporting demotivational things, but what I wanted to say is that perhaps a lot of people are not being themselves.

Mark Twain said, "Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody." Less people are being who they really are--i.e. to showing not only motivations or stating successes, yet also failures and fears.

I would take this opportunity to say that I have some failures.

I'm afraid to write or speak in English because I used to be afraid to speak in English, especially when I was in an English debate contest for junior high school students at a university, that I couldn't speak at all!

I'm afraid to work hard because I used to (be afraid) be forced to work hard, that the willingness to work hard didn't come itself from my heart.

I'm afraid to be submissive, totally, because I used to be (afraid) forced to be submissive by my junior high and senior high school teachers, even by my elementary teachers as I can recall. I also wasn't free at home, so I tried to find freedom, to be free, outside home.

I'm afraid to refuse, politely, to decline something, because I used to be forced to do all what I did. I had to say yes. That's why perhaps I am likely unwilling to obey. I don't know what the relation is, but ah well...

I'm afraid to be in a dirty room, place, house, or even a situation because I used to be always in dirty rooms, places, houses, and even situations.

I'm afraid to force myself, e.g. to be willing not to be sick and having a self-reliance because I used to be (and afraid not to be) pampered by my mother.

I'm afraid to lose, to be defeated, because I used to be lose and defeated by my friends (especially junior high friends), although I do not know whether or not this is true. I had the experience that I failed my second grade (to be upgraded to the third grade) of junior high. I had thrown away a year for nothing.

I'm afraid to be forgetful because I (used to) remember all things.

I like honey. I also love oceans. But, I kind of dislike merely oceans of honey. I love people who are really being themselves, saying not only motivations or successes, but also admitting fears and failures.