July 2, 2011

Oceans of Honey

There is a lot of oceans of honey nowadays in the world. Motivations everywhere! Now I'm not supporting demotivational things, but what I wanted to say is that perhaps a lot of people are not being themselves.

Mark Twain said, "Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody." Less people are being who they really are--i.e. to showing not only motivations or stating successes, yet also failures and fears.

I would take this opportunity to say that I have some failures.

I'm afraid to write or speak in English because I used to be afraid to speak in English, especially when I was in an English debate contest for junior high school students at a university, that I couldn't speak at all!

I'm afraid to work hard because I used to (be afraid) be forced to work hard, that the willingness to work hard didn't come itself from my heart.

I'm afraid to be submissive, totally, because I used to be (afraid) forced to be submissive by my junior high and senior high school teachers, even by my elementary teachers as I can recall. I also wasn't free at home, so I tried to find freedom, to be free, outside home.

I'm afraid to refuse, politely, to decline something, because I used to be forced to do all what I did. I had to say yes. That's why perhaps I am likely unwilling to obey. I don't know what the relation is, but ah well...

I'm afraid to be in a dirty room, place, house, or even a situation because I used to be always in dirty rooms, places, houses, and even situations.

I'm afraid to force myself, e.g. to be willing not to be sick and having a self-reliance because I used to be (and afraid not to be) pampered by my mother.

I'm afraid to lose, to be defeated, because I used to be lose and defeated by my friends (especially junior high friends), although I do not know whether or not this is true. I had the experience that I failed my second grade (to be upgraded to the third grade) of junior high. I had thrown away a year for nothing.

I'm afraid to be forgetful because I (used to) remember all things.

I like honey. I also love oceans. But, I kind of dislike merely oceans of honey. I love people who are really being themselves, saying not only motivations or successes, but also admitting fears and failures.

Brief Rule of St Romuald

Sit in your cell as in paradise. Put the whole world behind you and forget it. Watch your thoughts like a good fisherman watching for fis...